the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
