**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
