6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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