The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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