At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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