Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We talked him into tasing himself.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
