Ambien. No doubt about it.
I think I am morally bankrupt
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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