hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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