I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
one might say we're banned from that church
Swine flu is the new snow day.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
