im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
