I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Damn victory sex feels great
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