dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
