my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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