Slut skills are useful in every country.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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