I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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