Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
