yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
