I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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