oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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