Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
