I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
