just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
they need to just BURY HIM!
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
