What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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