you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I intend to get homeless drunk
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
