Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
