The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
