i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Randomize
