Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
