Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
