Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
