I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
