So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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