Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
