Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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