fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Randomize
