You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
