this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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