Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
