I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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