i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My ass is underappreciated
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
