only you would photoshop your dick
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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