I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
