My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
