the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
