We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
