Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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