is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We have started to decorate penises.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
