watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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