No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
