I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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