This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
