I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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