I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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