We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
