oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Someone shit on the floor
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
