Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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