Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
