He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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